British-Nigerian author, Tola Okogwu, shared her story of how she stayed a virgin till marriage and revealed that her husband, who she dated for four years, was also a virgin when they got married.
She said she met her husband when she was 21 and they married when she was 25. All through the course of their relationship, they never had sex, until after their wedding.
The couple now have two kids.
Read her story below:
My husband fondly jokes that he’d never have married me if I hadn’t been a virgin.
I’m sure that’s going to horrify a lot of people reading this, and also the fact that I find it funny when he says it.
Would it help if I said he was also a virgin when we met?
Let me add some context – we are both Christians so our sexual status was very much influenced by our religious beliefs.
For him, it was an important choice and one he wanted to share with his spouse. While it wasn’t a deal breaker for me, I respected it.
But looking back, I cannot hand on heart say that I remained a virgin simply because of God.
In all honesty, there were many factors that contributed to my lack of sexual experience on my wedding day.
I married relatively young at 25 and my husband and I dated for four years prior to that. So, technically, I was only five years over the age of consent when we met but, for some reason, sex was not a priority for me during those five years.
Sure, I had encounters with guys and certainly, before my faith solidified, I had a couple of close calls. But something always held me back from going all the way.
It may have been the voice of my Nigerian mother and pastor in my head yelling ‘No’ but, whatever it was, it worked really well.
When most people think about the bible and sex, it’s usually very negatively.
But actually, the bible isn’t anti-sex. If you don’t believe me, try reading Song Of Solomon; he was one horny dude.
What my faith teaches me is that sex outside of the boundaries of marriage, as defined by God, is wrong.
I can already see the eye rolls as I write this, but it’s what I believe and the beauty of free speech and democracy is we can all have our different beliefs and live together in peace and harmony.
However wrong or right you think I am, it’s a belief that has followed me all my life and made it next to impossible to even contemplate having sex, even with the hot DJ at that awesome party in my first year of Uni.
But I digress.
What’s interesting is that the question I’m most often asked when people find out is ‘Don’t you feel like you missed out?’
In short: no.
You can only miss something if you are unhappy with what you have, and I’m very happy.
Sex tends to complicate things anyway and comes with a lot of drama, unless, of course, Idris Elba comes knocking, in which case bye bye hubby.
He thinks I’m joking.