I’m a 26 years old woman married to a 37 years old man. We have been married for almost 3 years.
We don’t have kids yet and 6 months ago I ended up in hospital with sepsis. The doctors originally thought it was caused by a kidney infection but later found that it was caused by Pelvic Inflammatory disease.
They repeatedly asked about my sexual history but I have only slept with one person in the past 3 years – my husband. I ended up having to have emergency surgery as the infection would not respond to the IV antibiotics they were giving me. I was in hospital for 10 days and have potential long- term damage which will affect my ability to have children.
I recently found out that my husband has cheated on me a number of times throughout our marriage and that the Pelvic inflammation was caused by untreated Gonorrhoea.
When I was discharged from hospital, he admitted that he has been cheating on me with a single mother of 4 (unprotected sex ) And he got the gonorrhea! How irresponsible! I am completely devastated and don’t want to believe that the love of my life could be so callous. I very nearly died and if it were not for the brilliant doctors who quickly recognised my symptoms.
Of course the woman my husband got the gonorrhea from denied everything and I bet she won’t go get treated and will continue to spread this nasty and dangerous disease! She is done with having kids so why would she care, right?
Well, I do want to have kids and I won’t let my fertility and health taken away! the emotional damage caused by the infidelity itself is horrible. I feel angry, dirty, and ugly. All I want to do is cry all day. I can’t talk to anyone about it because I feel so ashamed. The person I trust the most is my mother but i don’t want to break her heart. I know that to her my happiness matters the most and I think she would be angry at me the rest of her life if I told her that I still love my husband.
My husband feels remorseful and said he would never cheat on me again. He said he would choose me over any lifestyle and that he would give up everything for me. I have a very hard time trusting him again and I still don’t know what I want from this whole thing. I just can’t understand why my husband would have sex with a disgusting, nasty woman and betray me on so many levels. My pride got hurt so badly. I feel so ugly and worthless. My libido is absolutely gone. I feel empty inside. Then all the sudden I feel horrible, horrible anger and I want to break everything in sight. On some nights I can’t sleep and sometimes I want to sleep all day. Most days I’m not even hungry and I have to force myself to eat something.
I feel like I will never be happy again. I used to be a happy, confident, bubbly person, now my zest for life is gone. Is this normal? Will these feelings ever go away?