What to do When Divorce Isn’t an Option

Bayo Ajibola

Marriage isn’t a bed of roses and there are times when things get so tough that you get tempted to leave. There are those who decided that divorce would not be one of their go-to solutions when they were starting out. These ones aren’t spared the drama either and sometimes you find that they have a string of arguments or fights and tough situations.

When you are right in the middle of a crazy situation your first instinct may be to leave and its understandable. Then a short while later you remember that you’d said you won’t explore divorce as an option. Feeling trapped could be an understatement at this point! What then do you do? Is there a way to work things out or get them better than what they used to be? Thankfully, there are other options you can pursue to get your marriage back on track.

Ask for guidance from God

For those who believe in God, pray about the whole situation. Pray for wisdom in handling the situation and your spouse. Ask for your next move because if left to do things your way you may make the wrong choices and make things worse. Pray for God to reveal to you how you can become a better spouse. Yes, you, because you don’t really have control over your spouse.

Fight for your marriage

This doesn’t mean putting up a physical fight, just so we’re clear. Analyze the whole situation and try to figure out where the problem is. It can be very tempting to point fingers at your spouse so make a conscious effort to think objectively.

Make sacrifices and compromises if they will have a positive impact on your relationship. Admit your mistakes even though you may want to focus on your partner’s mistakes more than your own. They started it, didn’t they?

Improve your communication

It is only considered communication if a message is passed on one side and understood on the other. It is not about one party bashing the other for all their wrongdoing. Communication entails each party giving their side of the story, saying what bothers them about the situation while the other party actively listens. From there the task is to seek to understand your partner’s point of view whether you agree with it or not. You can agree to disagree because it’s not about forcing your way on your partner.

Communication also involves body language. Your partner may say something just to avoid an argument but they aren’t truly for it. Don’t be self-centered as you go through marriage even though it is a common mistake. Try as much as possible to make your partner’s life more comfortable and easier.


Speak to a marriage counselor

It may sometimes be difficult to see eye to eye. Every time you start a conversation you find yourself getting into a bitter argument that yields no results. It might be wise to involve a third party in such a situation so that your discussions actually lead to progress.

Some may advise that you seek out a close friend to help you through it. This option will only work to improve your marriage if your friend won’t be biased towards one party and if they truly want your marriage to work. It becomes counter-productive if you seek advice from someone who isn’t even pro-marriage in the first place.

A marriage counselor or relationship coach could work well for you because they are formally trained for it, they will be objective in the advice they offer and they have no stake in your marriage or friendship. Don’t look at the cost because the cheapest option is to solve it at home, together and as mature adults who truly love each other.

Remember that working through marital issues is a process. It will take time but will be worth it in the long run.


Bayo Ajibola

Welcome to naijaparents.com. Whatever your  problem, marital, relationship, spiritual or parenting. We are here for you. No matter how difficult they are, together we can release power sufficient to solve these problems either spiritual or otherwise. Don't dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answers and solutions.  Digging at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves is our way of solving your problems. On naijaprents we break the problem down into components and solve one problem at a time. Let's hear from you.Join the conversation on our Forum and , like us on our Facebook page .Google+

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