‘When it comes to serious relationships, I either cheat, provoke a fight, or ghost them. ‘How can I break this cycle?’

I’ve observed a recurring trend in my behavior where I tend to enjoy the initial phase of a relationship. However, when it comes to sustaining a relationship, I’ve never been able to make it past the six-month mark, despite being in my late twenties. I’m witnessing some of my friends settling down, and a part of me desires that kind of stability. Regrettably, whenever a relationship had the potential to become serious, I made mistakes such as cheating, starting conflicts, or cutting off communication abruptly. I feel remorseful about my actions and constantly reflect on how I should have treated my former partners better.

If I were to unexpectedly encounter my exes, I would definitely express my apologies. Nevertheless, I would also feel apprehensive about engaging with them. My friends mock me when I mention someone new in my life, and they’ve even placed bets on the duration of those relationships. Although I join in the laughter, truthfully, I’m humiliated by it. This pattern extends to my hobbies as well – I become intensely engrossed for a period and then lose interest and move on.

My genuine desire is to connect with someone truly special, but I’m at a loss about how to achieve that. Currently, I’m plagued by the fear of repeating my past failures. I find myself uncertain about the right steps to take from this point onward.