When Your Own Mother Puts Pressure On You To Have A Male Child.

Bayo Ajibola

Right from childhood my mother has always been very toxic, negative and unsupportive towards me and my elder sister. We were the only two kids she ever had with my father and their marriage packed up because he wasn’t happy with the fact that she didn’t bear him a son. I get the impression that she secretly resents us for being girls and that’s why she treats us terribly.

I got married 7 years ago and had a daughter shortly after.. when I did the scan and we found that it’s a girl, my mother drove all the way to my house and laid hands on my tummy declaring and demanding that the gender must be transformed to a boy in Jesus name. I was so upset and humiliated as she did this in the presence of my husband. Of course her prayers didn’t work and I gave birth to a girl – and I’ve recieved little to no support from her in the raising of my daughter.

Now fast-forward to this pregnancy, from day one when I told my mother I had concieved again, she showed no enthusiasm and simply said “it better be a boy this time”..

I felt so sad and dejected, and so worried of the amount of criticism i would get from my mother.. coupled with the fear of my husband being unhappy if it turns out to be another girl.. so when it was time, I went to do the gender scan alone.. lo and behold, the doctor told me it’s another girl.. my world shattered and I spent the rest of the day just driving around town crying… whilst my mother kept blowing up my phone throughout the day to find out the gender but I ignored her calls. When I got home my husband asked me the gender and I lied and said it wasn’t clear. He suggested we do another scan but I kept avoiding it.

Till date I’m the only one who knows the gender and I’m due in two weeks. My mother still keeps calling pressuring me that I must deliver a boy this time.

I’m so depressed and haven’t been motivated to do any baby shopping.. I just feel like I’d be felt sorry for by my friends and will be ridiculed by my mother if this child does turn out to be another girl.

Bayo Ajibola

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