Who comes first spouse or children.So I was in a salon and out of the blue I overheard the man getting a manicure beside me asking his friend, “is your relationship with your kids more important that your relationship with your wife?”
The friend immediately answered “YES! It is as important,” then a second later, he said, “NO! It isn’t,” then paused and said, “Maybe?”
One of my favorite artists, Keith Urban angered a lot of people when he declared that he loved his wife more than his kids.
He said, “We’re very, very tight as a family unit and the children are our life, but I know the order of my love. It’s my wife and then my daughters. I just think it’s really important for the kids…There are too many parents who start to lose the plot a little and start to give all their love to the kids, and then the partner starts to go without. And then everybody loses. As a kid, all I needed to know was that my parents were solid. Kids shouldn’t feel like they are being favoured. It’s a dangerous place.”
This was incredibly bold of him. And I couldn’t agree more.
But this isn’t always the case, there are so many women that grumble, “My husband puts the kids before me.” And why shouldn’t they?
One of my aunts confided in me and said, “As soon as our first kid came along, my husband put me second…I slipped further down the pecking order when number two arrived. Now I think I’m somewhere equal with the dog, though that often depends on who’s been a better girl.” She said it jokingly, but it left an impression on me that remained beyond the laughter.
Love can be like a raft on stormy seas. I pictured her and her husband, huddled together, happy and safe, sharing their little marriage boat. But as their children came along, I saw her pushed from the sanctuary into the seething seas. Many women look at it as a sacrifice to make for their children, but how do you stop yourself from being washed away?
How can you keep your marriage afloat when the little ones arrive, depending on you for survival? Is it possible to just a get a bigger boat?
Ladies, if you are in this position, here are a few things your husbands need to know.
Who comes first spouse or children? You Should Never Put Your Children’s Needs before the Needs of Your Partner.
First of all, let’s not confuse needs with love. The love you have for your kids is different from the love you have for your partner. The two can never be compared. The kind of love you have for your kids should be based in nurturing, guiding, teaching, caring and protecting. Whereas the relationship with your wife should be much more intimate and affirming because you are each other’s companion, friend, confidant, emotional support and equal.
In my view, there’s no question that love is an abundant thing. Just because there are now more people to love, doesn’t mean you should love your wife less. In that same sense, yes, the boat can become bigger. In fact, look at it this way, your co-captain should remain exactly that, regardless of who else comes on board.
So Which Relationship Is Your Top Priority?
The entire family will benefit from your strong relationship with your wife because it forms the predictability, stability, and security in the house, not to mention being the springboard for the self-esteem in your children.
When you are both role models who demonstrate what a loving relationship looks like, you show your kids what they should expect in their future relationships thereby programming what they will end up looking for and expecting from a partner.
Who comes first spouse or children.So many marriages end up failing when one spouse pours everything they have – their time and energy – into their children. But at what cost? For such husbands, there would be no time, energy or heart left for their wives. This child-centered philosophy and the resulting self-sacrifice on the wife’s part is never a healthy choice in marriage.
What I’m basically saying is that you need to fight for “US” – make your relationship with your wife your top priority! If that relationship is solid, the children will also thrive. If wifey feels sidelined and has gone from the top of the totem pole to the bottom, then resentment and contempt will start to creep into the house.
One of the greatest takeaways from my parents’ marriage was setting priorities in the right order: God first, then spouse, after spouse the kids, and then everything else.
Who comes first spouse or children.So husbands in the house, you should not love your children at the expense of your wives.
When Everything Revolves Around The Children, Without “Couple Time” You Will Lose Each Other. Who comes first spouse or children ?
There’s no excuse for not paying attention to your wife. Make use of friends or family to carve out time in your busy schedule to nourish your relationship with your wife. You have to constantly and consistently sharpen the saw and relive the things that made you both fall in love in the first place.
Never forget the passion and excitement of the initial courtship, especially all the romantic gestures. Remember how you used to take her to that spa in Lekki?
Or how you used to surprise her with a trip to that food joint at Wuse?
If you fast forward 20 years…what happens when the kids leave the boat? If you have neglected your relationship with your wife, like a flower, there may not be much left to work with.
Will you and your wife even be friends?
Or will one of you be planning to move out with the kids?
As a society, many people have become so child-centered that this “putting your wife first” notion seems so controversial, but the good news is that if you keep your relationship with your wife as your top priority, your entire family will benefit.
Do you agree? Or disagree? Let’s start a conversation! who comes first spouse or children?
Wives in the house? Stay tuned!